The Naughty List
Written by
Brandon Osterman
Story by
Brandon Osterman,
Marisa Rowan,
and Thomas Bell
INT. KITCHEN – NIGHT
A warm, Christmasy kitchen. LITTLE CHARLEY HUGHES (5) watches in awe as her GRANDPA JACK (68) plates a fresh batch of Christmas cookies.
JACK
Santa once told me these were his favorite cookies
in the whole wide world!
CHARLEY
Nuh-uh! Really?!
JACK
It’s true. He said they’re a little nutty and they make a mess –
but they’re impossible not to love.
Just like somebody I know.
He shoots her a sly wink and boops her nose with a smudge of flour.
Together they place the cookies onto a holiday plate with “Christmas 2021” etched along the edge.
A SERIES OF DISSOLVES:
They place cookies onto plates marked 2022… 2023… Jack’s hand trembles as he plates cookies in 2024… in 2025, Charley’s little hand places cookies onto the plate alone.
FINAL DISSOLVE:
Santa’s gloved hand reaches in and takes one.
SANTA (O.S.)
Mmmm, Jack still makes the best cookies in- hmm,
these taste funny. Can’t quite… put my… finger…
THUD!
SMASH TO BLACK
INT. BASEMENT – NIGHT
A photo is pinned to the wall above a timeworn work bench: Charley, grandpa and her older brother, Nico posing in matching reindeer onesies.
A little kid’s hands lay a BALL-PEEN HAMMER and ELECTRIC SHAVER onto the bench, beside an embellished golden scroll, an ornate brass pocket watch, and a candy-cane-striped walkie with a peppermint antenna.
A voice crackles from its speaker.
SANTA’S ELF (ON RADIO)
Come in Santa… I know your spirit’s running pretty low tonight.
But the kids are still counting on you, and you’re like…
hundreds of rooftops behind now.
SANTA CLAUS’s head lolls as he comes-to in a shadowy, unfinished basement full of junky old holiday decorations.
Frizzy white hair juts from his lopsided cap. Dark bags cradle his bloodshot eyes. Santa really doesn’t look like his
jolly old self.
SANTA
Unhhh… son of a nutcracker.
The room comes into focus – a Halloween shark mask devours a little Santa doll – a disfigured leg lamp dangles from a
shelf – a bloody-toothed Elf on the Shelf grins back at him.
SANTA (CONT’D)
Ahhh!
He tries to back away and realizes he’s trussed to an old armchair with dozens of strands of Christmas lights. Santa spots his gift bag in the corner and formulates a plan.
He tugs his breast pocket toward his face with his teeth. In the dark, small hands scan an ornate golden scroll – Santa’s Naughty & Nice list. They pause on a name-
CHARLEY HUGHES: NAUGHTY – Harassment of Postal Workers, Attempted Bribery of Santa’s Helpers, Cookie Tampering, Kidnapping, Light Arson.
The little hands furiously try to erase this with a pencil eraser.
The sound catches Santa’s ear:
SCUFF-SCUFF SCUFF-SCUFF
He turns to see a gyrating little figure with antlers, silhouetted by the glow of a TV playing home videos of Jack & Charley baking.
SANTA (CONT’D)
Hey, stop that! It won’t work.
The horned head turns – eyes glint from the inky silhouette.
They furl up the Naughty List and strut up the stairs.
SANTA (CONT’D)
Wait! Where are you going?
The kid reaches the top… and quietly pulls the door closed.
SANTA (CONT’D)
HELP! HELP! CAN ANYONE HEAR ME?!
Descending the stairs, CHARLEY HUGHES (9) steps into the light, cute as a bug, with big, clever eyes. She’s dressed
in a threadbare Reindeer onesie and dirty pink sneakers.
CHARLEY
I knew you wouldn’t be able toresist grandpa’s cookies.
SANTA
Did you spike Santa’s cookies?!
She unfurls Santa’s List to reveal her name.
CHARLEY
I need you to take me off the naughty list.
So here’s the deal, Claus. Take me off and you walk.
Don’t… and Christmas is cancelled.
Santa bites and tugs at his coat again, finally managing a peek into his breast pocket – empty.
CHARLEY (CONT’D)
Looking for this?
Charley holds up an ornate pocket watch with buttons on it – SANTA’S TIME-STOPPER.
SANTA
Careful! That’s not-
She jabs a button – FREEZING TIME – Santa is paralyzed midsentence, and a radiant aurora shimmers around her.
Charley leans in to inspect frozen Santa — and boops him on his frozen nose.
CHARLEY
Wicked!
She presses it again.
SANTA
-a toy! You-
She flicks it on and off a few times.
SANTA (CONT’D)
-should -really -put that down!
Santa watches nervously as she spins the chained-watch on her finger, then places the Time-Stopper on the work bench.
SANTA (CONT’D)
Great, now how about you come over and untie Santa?
Charley picks up the ball-peen hammer.
CHARLEY
You need to take me off your list.
She cocks her head in disbelief.
CHARLEY
(sing-song)
“He’s making a list, checkin’ it twice”.
SANTA
I don’t write the teddyfluffin’ songs, kid!
I’m telling ya, I’m just the delivery man.
CHARLEY
Nah, not buyin’ it.
SANTA
It’s true. Everybody knows that.
Let’s ask your grandpa. Is he upstairs?
He yells toward the door.
SANTA (CONT’D)
IS ANYONE ELSE HOME?!
A fierce gust of wind whistles outside.
SANTA’S ELF (ON WALKIE)
Come in, Big Red!
If you don’t get moving soon, we’ll never catch up.
Charley steps over to the bench and smashes the walkie.
CHARLEY
It’s just you and me, Kringle.
SANTA
Okay, gumdrop. Why don’t you put the hammer down, and-
CHARLEY
BLEUCH! I hate gumdrops!
She raises the hammer again, closes one eye and lines up a practice swing – over Santa’s Time-Stopper.
SANTA
Woah! Woah! Woah! Hold on now!
Let’s not do anything rash.
CHARLEY
Are you gonna take me off
The Naughty List?
Santa hesitates…
WHAM! WHAM! WHAM! – Charley smashes it to pieces.
SANTA
No!
Santa’s shoulders sag.
SANTA (O.S.) (CONT’D)
That was the last thing Papa Elf gave me.
CRASH! – Charley’s brother NICO (16) bursts in.
NICO
Charley! What are you doing out of bed?!
SANTA
Thank the elves! Help!
Nico freezes. His brain buffers as he takes in the scene.
NICO
For real? You kidnapped one of them?!
SANTA
One of who?!
CHARLEY
Leave me alone! I’m in the middle of something.
NICO
Oh no! You’re not dragging me into…
whatever this is!
He darts down the basement stairs.
NICO (CONT’D)
Sir, I am so sorry.
She’s been harassing or trying to bribe mall Santas since Thanksgiving.
We were really hoping it was just a phase. Please don’t sue us.
CHARLEY
(to Santa)
I was just trying to make sure you got my letter!
Sensing opportunity, Santa plays along.
SANTA
Ah, right. Well, what kind of… Mall Santa would I be
if I couldn’t show a little Christmas forgiveness!
(laying it on thick)
Ho Ho Ho! Please come untie me.
Nico digs into Santa’s bindings as Charley yanks on Nico’s shirt, trying to pull him away.
CHARLEY
Stop! This is the real Santa!
You never listen to me!
NICO
(to Santa)
I’m the only one who listens! I took her to the mall so she could
see Santa last night – and she almost got us arrested when
she threatened to torch an elf!
Santa’s eyes widen. He turns to Charley.
SANTA
That was you?!
CHARLEY
He said I’d never get off The Naughty List… I hate that elf.
NICO
You still don’t get it, do you? You embarrassed me!
Everybody saw us get thrown out. You’re so lucky nobody posted it.
CHARLEY
Oooh nooo! Who cares if they did?!
NICO
Every since grandpa died, all you do is make things worse!
CHARLEY
At least I’m not just acting like he didn’t matter!
Nico clenches his jaw – Charley dashes off to a dark corner.
NICO
Again, I’m really sorry, sir.
Our Mom’s stuck in this blizzard and
(in Charley’s direction)
Charley is supposed to be in bed!
Nico notices a window, buried in snow outside.
NICO (O.S.) (CONT’D)
Wait… How did she get you here?
Charley emerges from the darkness, reading The Naughty List.
CHARLEY
“Nico Hughes: A selfie light, a “YouTube King” t-shirt,
and for Bobby Grant to-
Nico swipes the list from her.
CHARLEY (CONT’D)
Read it!
He examines the list, then looks up at Santa, stunned.
NICO
Hold on. I haven’t told anybody that I like Bobby.
Santa stares back, like a reindeer caught in headlights.
SANTA
…Fudgesicles.
CHARLEY
Told you!
NICO
Oh my god! Charley! This is Santa!
Nico whips out his phone and starts recording Santa.
NICO (CONT’D)
This is gonna get sooo many views.
CHARLEY
Seriously?!
SANTA
You’re adorable, kid.
You think you’re the first to ever try that?
ON PHONE SCREEN – The image is overexposed by starlight. Nico glances from the screen to Santa—something’s off.
NICO (O.S.)
Oof! You look like the last kid picked for dodgeball.
What’s going on with you?
Santa eyes an old Papa Elf figurine on a nearby shelf.
SANTA
Never better, kid. Living the Christmas dream.
NICO
Bro, your vibe is tragic right now.
I thought you were supposed to be all “jingle jolly Christmas!”
CHARLEY (O.S.)
He’s fine.
Nico glances up at the clock – 12:15am
NICO
Wait. He should be delivering presents!
We have to let him go.
CHARLEY
Not yet. He’s about to crack.
NICO
Forget it Charley. He’s got like a billion other kids waiting!
Nico starts to untie Santa again – Charley stomps off, muttering angrily. Metal CLANKS as she rummages around.
NICO (CONT’D)
So, like, low-key… can you really make Bobby fall for me?
SANTA
Ah… well… low-key… that’s pretty complicated, kid.
When it come to matters of the heart-
CLANG!
SMASH TO BLACK
INT. BASEMENT 3 – MINUTES LATER
Nico blinks awake — Santa blearily drifts into focus.
SANTA
Welcome back.
A snow shovel rests beside him, head-sized dent in it.
NICO
Oh god! How bad is it? Be honest – I can take it.
SANTA
Don’t worry, kid. Everything’s still where it should be.
Nico squirms, tied to a swivel chair, beside Santa.
NICO
Charlotte Beatrice Hughes! You are so dead!
CHARLEY (O.S.)
Don’t call me that, Nicholas Cornelius!
Charley steps back into the light, hands behind her back.
CHARLEY (CONT’D)
(to Santa)
You’re gonna take me off The Naughty List, or else-
She reveals an ELECTRIC HAIR CLIPPER from behind her back.
CHARLEY (CONT’D)
-we see what you look like under that beard!
SANTA
You wouldn’t!
NICO
She just knocked me out with a shovel!
BUZZ! – Charley flips on the clipper.
SANTA
No! Wait! I haven’t shaved in over a century.
She advances on Santa – he recoils from the buzzing clipper.
SANTA (CONT’D)
Wait! Don’t! Mrs. Claus says I look weird without my-
She SWIPES the clipper, shaving off a thick strip of beard.
NICO
For god’s sake! Just take her off of The Naughty List!
SANTA
Take her off?! Look at her!
Charley grips the clippers.
CHARLEY
Suit yourself!
She buzzes away at Santa – his beard SHOWERS around his feet – Nico looks away – Charley shoves The Naughty List into Santa’s patchy face – but he refuses to give in.
CHARLEY (CONT’D)
Why are you making this so hard?!
NICO
Okay, Charley, he obviously isn’t going to break.
Time to stop this!
A clump of Santa’s beard shavings causes a nearby power strip to spark – they BURST INTO FLAMES!
NICO (CONT’D)
Fire! Fire! Put it out! Put it out!
Santa blows at the flames, trying to extinguish them – they LEAP to a shelf of old linens, igniting them.
SANTA
Oh crap!
Needle scratch. Both kids look at him, shocked…
SANTA (CONT’D)
Oh… crack my chestnuts!.. was what I said.
They burst into giggles.
NICO
Noooo! We heard you!
Flames race across the shelf of linens – Nico yelps.
SANTA
Charley, listen carefully. Grab my magic bag.
Charley drags over Santa’s bag.
SANTA (CONT’D)
Now, reach inside and imagine that you want a fire extinguisher.
She plunges her hand inside and pulls out… a NERF GUN.
CHARLEY
Cool!
NICO
Oh, come on!
SANTA
Okay. That’s okay. Try again. Now this time really focus.
An old fake Christmas tree erupts into flames.
SANTA (CONT’D)
You really, really want a fire extinguisher!
Charley reaches back in – grips onto a metal handle and pulls out… a shiny new RAZER SCOOTER. Her eyes light up.
CHARLEY
Ooooh!
NICO
We’re dead! I’m gonna die a without ever having a boyfriend!
SANTA
Concentrate, Charley!
Charley closes her eyes tight. She focuses – shoves her hand inside again and this time retrieves… a FIRE EXTINGUISHER!
She BLASTS the fire with it, dousing the flames. The cloud clears.
NICO
(coughing)
My god, Charley! What toy could possibly be worth all of this?!
CHARLEY
(coughing)
I don’t want a stupid TOY! I want grandpa back!
Smoke swirls around the old snapshots of them and grandpa tacked above the work bench.
CHARLEY (CONT’D)
That’s what I want for Christmas. I want my grandpa back… Please?
Santa’s heart sinks. He searches for words…
NICO
You’re right, Charley.
CHARLEY
About what?
NICO
I haven’t been listening to you…
I should’ve known this was why you’ve been acting so… sus.
CHARLEY
You’re sus!
NICO
That’s not what I meant!
SANTA
I know what you meant, Nico…
Honestly, Charley, I haven’t been acting quite like myself either.
Santa’s weary eyes meet Charley’s.
CHARLEY
Really? How come?
SANTA
Well, I just lost my best friend, too.
I haven’t had to oversee my workshop for over a hundred years-
NICO
I thought Papa Elf ran the workshop. Wait… does that mean?
SANTA
I like to imagine him tinkering away in the greatest workshop ever now,
still doing what he loved.
Everyone’s eyes drop.
SANTA (CONT’D)
Before he passed on, there was something he made sure to tell me…
something I didn’t really take in until tonight.
CHARLEY NICO
What? What?
SANTA
He said the people we love never really leave us.
That we carry them in our hearts, forever.
Especially when we carry on the traditions they cherished.
Santa eyes the little Papa Elf statue, then Jack’s photos.
SANTA (CONT’D)
If he were here… I think your grandpa would say the same thing.
The kids gaze at Jack’s photos.
SANTA (CONT’D)
Even though Christmas won’t feel the same without him, his love is still here.
Charley’s eyes well with tears.
SANTA (CONT’D)
I really wish I could bring your grandpa back to you, Charley.
CHARLEY
You can do anything. You’re Santa!
SANTA
Sadly, sweetheart, there are some things even Santa can’t deliver.
Charley can’t hold back the tears.
CHARLEY
Not buyin’ it!
NICO
Charley… I wish he could bring grandpa back, too-
CHARLEY
-but I need him!
Nico eyes a rack of his and grandpa’s old costumes.
NICO
Me too… but I think we both know Santa’s telling the truth.
The dam breaks. Charley races over to Nico and embraces him. Head buried in his shoulder, she sobs.
CHARLEY
(muffled)
I’m sorry I hit you with a shovel.
A teary smile tugs at Nico’s lips – and then Santa’s.
MINUTES LATER
Charley paces nervously as Nico releases Santa.
CHARLEY (CONT’D)
I’m sorry I tied you up.
SANTA
It’s-
CHARLEY
-and broke your watch from Papa Elf.
SANTA
It’s okay-
CHARLEY
-and almost burned us all to death.
I’m sorry.
SANTA
I know you are, Charley.
Lying unfurled on the work bench, Santa’s list begins to glow. Charley’s name vanishes… then reappears, reading –
CHARLEY HUGHES: NICE
Santa shoves his head into his bag – gurgles, shakes, and emerges bearded, coiffed, and glowing with yuletide majesty.
SANTA (CONT’D)
Much better!
He digs around inside and pulls out a another WALKIE-TALKIE and a plainer TIME-STOPPER.
SANTA (CONT’D)
Thank goodness Mrs. Claus always packs me a spare!
He speaks into the walkie.
SANTA (CONT’D)
North Pole Control, this is Big Red. Situation under control.
I was just detoured by a little holiday mischief.
No need to scramble the rescue team. I’ll be back in the
sky in five… with a doozy of a story for the fireplace tonight.
He takes an envelope from inside and hands it to Charley.
CHARLEY
Really?
SANTA
Uh huh, Go ahead. open it.
Charley slides a yellowed sheet of paper from inside that reads: Grandpa Jack’s Christmas Cookie Recipe.
Her eyes light up.
CHARLEY
But Grandpa never told anybody his secret recipe.
SANTA
Who do you think gave it to him in the first place?
Santa shoots her a wink.
SANTA (CONT’D)
Your grandpa loved you very much, Charley.
I know he’d want you to have it.
As long as you promise, no more mischief-
CHARLEY
Okay.
SANTA
No more harassing any more of Santa’s helpers…
or kidnapping anybody. Agreed?
CHARLEY
I promise.
SANTA
And maybe give your big brother a break every once in a while?
CHARLEY
Okay, I guess.
Nico’s phone lights up.
NICO
Mom’s gonna be here in ten minutes!
Charley and Nico scan the basement, then lock eyes in horror.
SANTA
Well… I guess we’d better spruce this place up then!
CUT TO:
A swirl of magic dust fades, revealing the basement perfectly restored. Santa admires his handiwork.
SANTA (CONT’D)
Well, tonight’s been… quite the surprise in Santa’s stocking, but-
He slings his magic bag over his shoulder.
CHARLEY
Wait!
Charley hands Santa the little Papa Elf figurine that she watched him admire earlier. He gets a little misty.
SANTA
This is exactly the kind of treasure he would have loved.
Santa hugs the children.
SANTA (CONT’D)
Thank you, both.
He steps back, activates his Time-Stopper… and vanishes.
INT. KITCHEN – LATER
Charley pours flour into a large bowl – a cloud erupts from it, straight into Nico’s face – he coughs and swats, really
hamming it up. Charley gives him a little boop on the nose and they burst into giggles.
Somewhere, faintly, Grandpa Jack’s laughter joins in.
FADE TO BLACK.